I have avoided sitting down & actually blogging about this little piece of information for two VERY good reasons. Reason #1: We just found out 3 days ago. Reason #2: It is most definitely BREAKING MY HEART! (Well! I'm glad I got that out of my system!) I am a planner. Not really, but I like to think I am anyway. The original PLAN was as follows: Eddy graduates from AIT in Ft. Eustis, VA. He was supposed to get a 10 or 20 day leave. He would come home. Then he was to report to Ft. Riley in Kansas. He would live on base, Des would continue living with us & either go visit him up there on the weekends, or he'd come down here for the weekends. (Keep in mind, this put MY house as the central location). Des would stay here until a couple of weeks after Hunter was born. She could keep her doctor, quit her job if it became too hard for her, and have the baby right here in NWA. THAT was the plan. In my head, I pictured her going into labor, us calling Eddy telling him to get down here now, THE BABY IS COMING...us doing that crazy furious drive to the hospital in the middle of the night, you can envision my thoughts, I'm sure. Now - I have to reorganize those thoughts. Now the picture in my head is this: Des moves to Ft. Riley. She is ALL alone, (during the day at least) because Eddy is working. Des is not working, because she can't find a job because she is 7+ months pregnant & no one will hire her. She doesn't know anyone there except for Eddy, because they will not be living on base. And since they're not living on base, they/she cannot cultivate those friendships like they show on Army Wives. Let's switch states now, moving back here to Arkansas. It's 3 in the morning. I'm cuddled up beside David, (probably dreaming about the baby coming, or something crazy like work & contracts) and the phone rings, and it's Eddy...and he says "THE BABY IS COMING-YOU NEED TO GET HERE NOW!" Have I mentioned yet that it is a FIVE HOUR DRIVE to Ft. Riley Kansas? I think I'm going to need to have a bag packed & ready to go. I should do that soon, like the night that they move. Oh, and I need to figure out what to do with Boogie. And how were going to handle that at 3 o'clock in the morning. And money, did I mention money? Because it's going to take money to drive to Kansas. And buy baby presents. And food. And coffee. And a hotel. Or maybe not a hotel. Maybe we can stay at Eddy & Des's house. And sleep on the floor. I should probably bring pillows & blankets. And food. Dear Lord. Look where I'm going. See what I'm doing. Maybe I have OCD. Or ADHD. Or some chemical imbalance in my brain that makes thoughts shoot off in all sorts of different directions, like a tree, a family tree. Like the one I'm helping David work on. See! There it is again...my thoughts are going crazy!!! Back to the kids. In all honesty I totally understand where they're coming from & why they're doing this. If - God forbid - Eddy gets deployed (to oh, I don't know, AFGHANISTAN), right after the baby is born, they'll regret not spending this time they could have spent together now. I know if I had to choose between living with David, or living with my mother & father in-law, I'd choose living with my husband. Especially if I was pregnant. But - I'd choose being & living with him over any one else in the entire world. (Not to mention the uncertainty that's there about how long they actually have before he gets deployed-his sergeant said it's not IF he gets deployed, it's WHEN). In the bible it says something about when you get married, you leave your parents & join your husband/wife & become ONE. (There's also something that uses the word "cleave" I just can't remember it exactly) I just don't know if it has any advice or rules for me (as the parent that's being left), on how to cope with it all! The point is, even though I can rationalize all of this in my head, and make it make sense in my head, my HEART is not listening very well. And I KNOW what to do, GIVE IT TO GOD! One of my favorite sayings is "GOD is in charge of this mess!" And he is. And He knows our heart, and our needs, and only HE can help us. Any of us. Eddy, Des, Hunter, David, Brittni, even (or especially) ME. So again, I find myself on my knees asking for His grace. And the peace that passes understanding. And then, if only for a moment, I feel a little better - just a little! me
No comments:
Post a Comment