The Big Confession

I have a confession to make. I have known now for a long time that my one true "sin" that I commit over & over & OVER again, is WORRY. I worry about everything. EVERYTHING. I worry about money, I worry about David, I worry about the kids, I worry about being overweight, I worry about smoking, I worry about David being laid off, I worry about not making any/enough sales....I could go on & on but you get the picture. And I call this sin, because I KNOW I am supposed to trust God with everything. And that includes all my "worries". I'm supposed to "Give it/them to God". And I try, I really, really do. But somehow, I always ending up "taking it back from Him" to worry about some more. But believe it or not this post today is not about worry. This post is about another little (or should I say HUGE) personal trait (or problem) that I have. Are you ready? Here goes my big confession: I want everything and everyone to be perfect. Actually, perfect is way too strong a word. To put it plainly, I just want everyone to be happy & get along. I can not stand conflict, confrontation, anger towards one another, tension...none of it. And it absolutely kills me if I find that I've hurt someone's feelings or made them angry.(Even if it was unintentional or needed to be said) I also want everyone in my entire circle to get along. To not be upset with one another. To not say things that might hurt each others feelings. And sometimes in my effort to "fix" everything & everyone, I make it worse...or end up feeling worse than if I'd just left it all alone. If I feel like there's conflict between Eddy & Brittni - I try step in, and explain to both of them individually exactly why I think the other one said/did what they did. I try make sure they see the other persons side. I do this with David & the kids too. I do this with my mom & my sister. I do this with David & his Dad, I do this with EVERYONE -great - now I'm making it sound like no one in our family gets along - and that is defiantly NOT the case. For the most part, everyone gets along really well. And I know that in families, there will be differences of opinion. But IF I really know that, why oh why do I try so damn hard to "fix" everything. I realized today at lunch while I was driving, that IF I'd just accept that I can not please EVERYONE all of the time, I would have a lot less personal stress in my life. I also realized that I spend a lot of mental energy trying to fix things that don't really need to be fixed. And that IF I spend the rest of my life trying to make everyone else happy, (and by that I do not mean my husband and kids and grandson- I will always do everything in my power to make those 5 people happy) but if I spend the rest of my life doing things I don't really want to do, just to make other people happy - I will not be. So many times I just go along with what I feel like people want me to do, just to avoid conflict. And that's creating conflict within myself to make someone else happy. I just don't want to do that anymore. I realize that I'm rambling here...and it's almost intentional rambling. See, I have a very good friend that once told me that blogging can be very therapeutic. And today, I felt like I needed some therapy. And to give myself a good strong pep talk. About not being able to make everyone happy. And about that being okay. I get the feeling now that maybe, just maybe, I should realize something else. That this too - I should give to God. Wish me luck! me