Monday, July 19, 2010
Sleepless in Centerton
Whoever said that you'll sleep the entire day away after you just had oral surgery has NEVER LIVED INSIDE MY BODY! Because I should be snoozing away right now -but I'm NOT. I had 3 count them THREE teeth cut out today. I have a mouth full of stitches AND A BROKEN JAW...but alas I can not sleep. Yes I am taking all the many medications prescribed to me, but still no sleep. Guess I'll go watch some more T.V. Hopefully Criminal Minds is on. me
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Toothaches & Heartaches
I'm off to the dentist in about an hour. Pray for me please! I absolutely hate hate hate going to the dentist. Although I really like the dentist I go to. He knows enough about me to know that I almost won't open my mouth without the aid of some "happy gas" first. And that's crazy since "the dentist I go to" seldom gets to see me. I would call him "my" dentist, but that would insinuate that I go there on a regular basis instead of only in a drastic emergency situation like right now, when I can not take the pain a second longer. And since I always wait so long...it's always too late to save it & the only thing left to do is an extraction. Thank goodness most of my problems are way in the back of my mouth. Unless something changes however...today he is only going to "evaluate" my problem. He can't fit me in long enough to actually pull it. So, hopefully, he'll hop me up on some pain meds until early next week. And..this way, he gets to charge me for TWO office visits instead of one. Yes, the hydrocodone I jacked from David is beginning to make me a little bit cranky!
Now on to the next thing. I tell David this at least once a week, and I don't know if I've said this before in my blog or not, but either way, it bears repeating since it is 100% how I currently feel. I wish our kids would either do EVERYTHING I SAY...or that I could live their lives FOR them. Don't get me wrong, I am NOT saying I am perfect, or that if they did everything I said their lives would be perfect because believe it or not, I am not always right. I know I do not know everything, and that I am not always :-) perfect. Sometimes I'm even wrong! However, I feel like IF they'd just be my little puppets & follow my lead, then at least when something went wrong in their lives, I would be the one that screwed it up. Not them. Then I could take responsibility for my mistake, instead of thinking (and sometimes saying)..."If you'd have just listened to ME you wouldn't be IN this mess in the first place". I've often said..by the time I'm in a position to say "I told you so" or "I told you this was going to happen" to my kids...it's usually so screwed up or so bad, that I can't in good conscience actually SAY THE WORDS! Ha!
Anyway, all of this is leading up to me blogging briefly about something that's happened inside my little family that has caused some very hurt feelings. And it involves one of my children that has an "You can't tell me what to do cuz I'm an adult" kind of attitude that has escalated said problems. Remember back in the day when you thought your parents were so stupid & that they didn't know anything? Remember back when you thought you were SO much smarter than your mom & dad? That's where we are. And unfortunately, I don't think this will be resolved without an apology. An apology that, I might add, said child doesn't believe, or can't/won't see, is very necessary. It is so hard as a parent to let your children go. And grow. And this parent has been accused of hanging on too tight in the first place - David & our parents have told me that on numerous occassions. Words like..."they are grown up now, you have to let them go out & live their lives on their own, you have to let them do it on their own, you have to let them FAIL on their own - you can't live their lives FOR them" those words are ringing in my head. I remember clearly telling my dad, "But Dad, if I don't loan them the money or help them out or do it for them or whatever it was- then they might not have...gas in their car to go to work, food to eat, tires on their car, electricity, insurance, whatever"...and he said, "Tammy, they might not. But NEXT time when they have to decide whether to or not go out to eat, see a movie, buy those new shoes, clothes, whatever...they might make the decision NOT to, because they now know what it feels like to do without, and they know they have to take care of themselves" I can't tell you how much it hurts me to think about them "doing without", or having to learn life's lessons the hard way. And this particular situation doesn't even involve money or anything like that. But it does have to do with a lesson, and one that I'm afraid, will be hard for her to learn. So again I find myself turning to God, asking Him to protect my children, watch over them, keep them safe. And then I say a little prayer for David & me...Please God, give us peace. me
Now on to the next thing. I tell David this at least once a week, and I don't know if I've said this before in my blog or not, but either way, it bears repeating since it is 100% how I currently feel. I wish our kids would either do EVERYTHING I SAY...or that I could live their lives FOR them. Don't get me wrong, I am NOT saying I am perfect, or that if they did everything I said their lives would be perfect because believe it or not, I am not always right. I know I do not know everything, and that I am not always :-) perfect. Sometimes I'm even wrong! However, I feel like IF they'd just be my little puppets & follow my lead, then at least when something went wrong in their lives, I would be the one that screwed it up. Not them. Then I could take responsibility for my mistake, instead of thinking (and sometimes saying)..."If you'd have just listened to ME you wouldn't be IN this mess in the first place". I've often said..by the time I'm in a position to say "I told you so" or "I told you this was going to happen" to my kids...it's usually so screwed up or so bad, that I can't in good conscience actually SAY THE WORDS! Ha!
Anyway, all of this is leading up to me blogging briefly about something that's happened inside my little family that has caused some very hurt feelings. And it involves one of my children that has an "You can't tell me what to do cuz I'm an adult" kind of attitude that has escalated said problems. Remember back in the day when you thought your parents were so stupid & that they didn't know anything? Remember back when you thought you were SO much smarter than your mom & dad? That's where we are. And unfortunately, I don't think this will be resolved without an apology. An apology that, I might add, said child doesn't believe, or can't/won't see, is very necessary. It is so hard as a parent to let your children go. And grow. And this parent has been accused of hanging on too tight in the first place - David & our parents have told me that on numerous occassions. Words like..."they are grown up now, you have to let them go out & live their lives on their own, you have to let them do it on their own, you have to let them FAIL on their own - you can't live their lives FOR them" those words are ringing in my head. I remember clearly telling my dad, "But Dad, if I don't loan them the money or help them out or do it for them or whatever it was- then they might not have...gas in their car to go to work, food to eat, tires on their car, electricity, insurance, whatever"...and he said, "Tammy, they might not. But NEXT time when they have to decide whether to or not go out to eat, see a movie, buy those new shoes, clothes, whatever...they might make the decision NOT to, because they now know what it feels like to do without, and they know they have to take care of themselves" I can't tell you how much it hurts me to think about them "doing without", or having to learn life's lessons the hard way. And this particular situation doesn't even involve money or anything like that. But it does have to do with a lesson, and one that I'm afraid, will be hard for her to learn. So again I find myself turning to God, asking Him to protect my children, watch over them, keep them safe. And then I say a little prayer for David & me...Please God, give us peace. me
What Makes My Heart HAPPY
In case you didn't know....THIS is what makes my heart happy right now. And I don't imagine that is gonna change for the REST OF MY LIFE! And I am more than okay with that! I figured it was about time for a little Hunter-Man update. He is already 7 months old! He is not crawling yet - not that he doesn't try, but he gets his knees up under him & rocks a little bit, then face plants right in the carpet! His Papa says it's because his head is SO big-ha ha! But, speaking of that...when he went in for his last check-up they said he's in the 99th percentile for the size of his head. I asked Eddy what that meant...and he said, "Duh mama...it means he's super smart!"...then Desiree laughed & said actually, it means that he's got a bigger head than 99% of babies his age! I can tell you one thing...it's the most beautiful "big head" I have ever seen. He rolls over all by himself now too. If you lay a blanket on the floor, he'll roll all over the room. He can sit up by himself and hold his bottle by himself. He's still not quite to the point where he will hold his arms out to you to get you to pick him up, but he's working on it. And yesterday, when I came home for lunch, I got my very first "on purpose" kiss! As soon as I picked him up he grabbed my face with both his little hands & pulled me to him & licked me right on the lips! It was awesome, and SO sweet. And I can't get him to do it again for anything in the world. I think he's learning this kissing - licking thing from Bam. His most favorite thing is to grab Bam by the ears & pull him to him & let Bam lick him all in his face. He just giggles & laughs & laughs. I think it is too cute - but it makes David crazy...he says get that dog out of that baby's face...you don't have any idea what all he's had in his mouth...and, as usual, he's right.
The kids took him back to the doctor today & they took some blood. They are pretty sure he just has a viral infection of some kind, but he's still feeling really bad so they wanted to make sure he wasn't getting worse. I had chalked most of it up to teething, but the doctor says that's not it. We'll hear tomorrow how the lab work went & if he's got to get on some more meds. That's it for the grandbaby update for now... I still need to get a picture of him in his Sombrero we bought him in Mexico! me
4th of July Pics
I've always heard "Better late than never"....hopefully that is true...because these pictures are from the 4th of July party we had at my Grandma's house. There is Hunter with his "Great-Great" Grandma, Hunter with his Papa Bill (my dad) and the bottom one is Hunter with MY mom & Eddy. (Just to clarify things...we are at my dad's mom's house...and yes, my mom & dad are divorced, but my grandma & her family still love & include my mom in most everything). So the bottom pic is my momma, with her grandson & great grandson. It's evident that I am NOT a very good camera-woman, but hey - I try! And, to be completely honest, I "borrowed" the one of my dad from my Aunt! Thanks Bev! me
Monday, July 12, 2010
What's Going on at my house....
So here is what's been going on in "The Allen's World"...Friday, the kids car blew up. Yes...I said "blew up", and yes, it's the new car we helped them get right after they got married. It's 5000 miles out of the extended warranty we purchased. And..the Toyota dealership said the lifetime warranty on the drive train is void if they didn't get it serviced there every time. Never mind Eddy was on active duty in another state. It's an issue that we're dealing with and I'm afraid David is going to have to get involved.
And, Hunter is sick. He has a horrible cough that just breaks my heart every time I hear it. And he looks up at me with those big blue eyes, like "Grandma, can't you fix this?". They have a doctors appointment scheduled for this afternoon.
We all went & saw my mom Saturday night. It was awesome to watch her play with Hunter. And my sister was on her best behavior, we actually all talked & got along. They've even invited us to come to the lake & visit them while they're on vacation for the next two weeks. I'll have to make a point to drive out & see them.
And last but not least....still NO RING! Although I am NOT going to be the one searching for it. Bam is doing just fine, so now I'm wondering...did he even swallow it? Or did he just pick it up & hide it somewhere at the house? We may never know, but at least there wasn't a $2000 surgery required.
And that's about all I've got for now...there is of course, a lot more I could write about, but once again I am blogging at work, which is a big no - no...and I've got work to do...so until later...me
And, Hunter is sick. He has a horrible cough that just breaks my heart every time I hear it. And he looks up at me with those big blue eyes, like "Grandma, can't you fix this?". They have a doctors appointment scheduled for this afternoon.
We all went & saw my mom Saturday night. It was awesome to watch her play with Hunter. And my sister was on her best behavior, we actually all talked & got along. They've even invited us to come to the lake & visit them while they're on vacation for the next two weeks. I'll have to make a point to drive out & see them.
And last but not least....still NO RING! Although I am NOT going to be the one searching for it. Bam is doing just fine, so now I'm wondering...did he even swallow it? Or did he just pick it up & hide it somewhere at the house? We may never know, but at least there wasn't a $2000 surgery required.
And that's about all I've got for now...there is of course, a lot more I could write about, but once again I am blogging at work, which is a big no - no...and I've got work to do...so until later...me
Thursday, July 8, 2010
What a Day!
Let me just begin by saying this - "what a day". I don't even really know if I mean that in a good way or a bad way, it has just been "a day". I didn't get much sleep last night. David's days & nights are so mixed up that I'm beginning to think we'd all be better off if he just slept all day every day, then stayed up all night every night. Even on the nights he is off. He slept most of yesterday, because he couldn't sleep on Monday night. Then last night, he actually turned off the tv around 11:30 & fell asleep - BEFORE I DID! That would be great except for the dogs woke him up around 3 this morning, and of course, he was up & wide awake then...and between him turning on the lights, taking the dogs out, trying to get them back in & settled down, it woke me up. On my way back from the bathroom I could hear my Hunter-man crying in his crib. (The kids got back from Kansas sometime after midnight last night & they are home for good). So of course, this grandma couldn't go back to bed until I went in & checked on him. And when he looked at me with those big blue eyes of his & smiled, well, what else could I do except snatch him right out of his crib & take him to bed with me & David? Except...what I know now, that I didn't last night at 3 am is IF you don't just give him his bottle & let him go back to sleep right then, he thinks it's morning & time to wake up & play. Somewhere around 4:45 or so I got him back to sleep & put him back in his crib. Around 5:30 I fell back asleep. At exactly 6:30 on the dot my alarm went off - and I've been up since!
I worked my a$$ off at work today. I've been slacking a little bit since about the week or so before we went to Cancun, and I had to have a little pep talk with myself this morning & remind "me" that if I didn't get on the ball, I'm not gonna have much of a paycheck next week. In my job in sales, the real money in in the commission & incentives, definatley not the hourly pay (that's just enough to pay the insurance, 401k & taxes usually). So I hit it hard today. And it paid off. I should have at least 2 agreements back tomorrow morning, so I'll need to pull just ONE more off to hit my incentive for the week. AND...if I can pull TWO in by 3 tomorrow, I'll be able to wear jeans all next week, leave early tomorrow & get a couple scratches on the new scratch board that's got a $500 spot waiting on me!
When I got home tonight the kids weren't here, they had some errands to run & were going out for dinner, so I got David off to work & had really planned on hitting the recliner & watching Criminal Minds & CSI until I went to bed. BUT - I started a load of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, did more laundry, vacuumed, changed the sheets on the beds, ended up finishing ALL the laundry & putting it away, swept the floors...well, needless to say I just got completely carried away by that Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that I am certain I have, and now it's after midnight & here I am blogging instead of sleeping like I should be!
David told me before he left for work tonight that on Sunday him & Eddy are heading to Stuttgart to check on his dad & will be staying until Tuesday. AND - unless Desiree' can find someone to watch Hunter for her on Monday & Tuesday while she works (she got her old job back at Sonic for now), that the boys are taking Hunter-man with them down south! SO...we've gotta figure something out there because I love my son & husband very much & all that good stuff, but NO WAY am I letting them take that baby for 3 whole days. No way Jose'!
And, the last and biggest news of the day is this: My sister called me tonight. For those of you keeping up, we haven't spoken since right before Christmas. We talked for 2 1/2 hours, maybe 3. One would think after spending that much time talking, everything would be fine & back to normal. But - one wouldn't know my sister or the way our relationship is if they thought that. Basically, she called to make sure I knew that she was mad, why she was mad, and that in all reality she is still mad, but she didn't use the word "MAD". Instead she used the word "Hurt", and wanted to make sure I understood why she felt the way she did & that I saw her side of things. I did, and I do. But the problem here isn't either one of us understanding the other's "side", because we both do. The problem is that she can't or won't FORGIVE me. She won't forgive me for unintentionally hurting her feelings & making her feel like I didn't think my mom, she, my nieces, their whole family was important enough to take a day or night out & have "Christmas" together. She can see how it happened that my mom & I decided that we didn't need to have "Christmas" at my house on the night we planned, since Hunter had just gotten out of the ICU the night before and everyone at her house was just getting over a horrible stomach bug & we didn't want my 4 lb grandson to be exposed to that. She can't see that if she hadn't gotten so upset or 'hurt' by us calling it off for that next night, that I & my mom had already talked about & had EVERY intention of rescheduling our Christmas together, it just might have been the day after or the Saturday AFTER Christmas. I could go on & on & on & on about the conversation we had tonight, but at least it was civil, I listened to her & empathized with her, & understood some of where she was coming from. I even told her a little of how I actually felt about it & all the 100 other things she brought up tonight. Don't know if she heard a word or not. But I do know (and have known all along) that this was hurting my mom more than anyone else. Like Tina pointed out, I have a LOT of family. "David's" family, is MY family. I've got my kids. I have friends at work. Most importantly, I have David. But my mom? My mom has only 2 people (and their very small family's) left. She has my sister, (who has my niece Kayla-my step niece Kara & her husband Tommy) and she has me (and my little family of David, Pudge, Ed, Des & Hunter-man). THAT IS IT. We are all she has. She has no parents left, she's an only child, there are no loving aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, husband...there is NO ONE. And if Tina & I are at odds with one another, and since my mom LIVES with Tina & her family, then my momma only has Tina & her clan. And I am her oldest daughter. And somewhere in the midst of all this drama (or lack there of since I avoid any & all confrontation like the plague), I've let my sister take control of my relationship with my mom. And that is not okay. So in the end we've came to this solution. I will NOT let this rift with my sister keep me from calling my mom, going to see my mom, taking my mom out to dinner, bringing her to my house to spend a weekend, etc. And my sister will NOT use this rift between us to pressure our mom not to talk to me, or threaten my mom or hold anything over her head if/when she does. She's promised me the tension that has been there for 7 months when I call/see my mom will be gone, and I'm going to hold her to that. Like I told Tina tonight, I can not go back & change the past or any of my actions in the past. I can't "fix" this or what happened. I can't change it. I also have NO CONTROL over anything that anyone other than myself says or does. I can say I'm sorry (which I did), and that is all I can do about anything that has EVER happened before this very moment right now. And I can learn from the past. There is a lesson there, if we will just take the time & make the effort to see it. My sister & I are as different as night & day. Always have been & I guess we always will be. Where I choose (and it IS A CHOICE), to forgive & to love, she chooses not to. And here is where I will repeat myself, and end this post....I have NO CONTROL over anything that ANYONE other than myself says or does......me
I worked my a$$ off at work today. I've been slacking a little bit since about the week or so before we went to Cancun, and I had to have a little pep talk with myself this morning & remind "me" that if I didn't get on the ball, I'm not gonna have much of a paycheck next week. In my job in sales, the real money in in the commission & incentives, definatley not the hourly pay (that's just enough to pay the insurance, 401k & taxes usually). So I hit it hard today. And it paid off. I should have at least 2 agreements back tomorrow morning, so I'll need to pull just ONE more off to hit my incentive for the week. AND...if I can pull TWO in by 3 tomorrow, I'll be able to wear jeans all next week, leave early tomorrow & get a couple scratches on the new scratch board that's got a $500 spot waiting on me!
When I got home tonight the kids weren't here, they had some errands to run & were going out for dinner, so I got David off to work & had really planned on hitting the recliner & watching Criminal Minds & CSI until I went to bed. BUT - I started a load of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, did more laundry, vacuumed, changed the sheets on the beds, ended up finishing ALL the laundry & putting it away, swept the floors...well, needless to say I just got completely carried away by that Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that I am certain I have, and now it's after midnight & here I am blogging instead of sleeping like I should be!
David told me before he left for work tonight that on Sunday him & Eddy are heading to Stuttgart to check on his dad & will be staying until Tuesday. AND - unless Desiree' can find someone to watch Hunter for her on Monday & Tuesday while she works (she got her old job back at Sonic for now), that the boys are taking Hunter-man with them down south! SO...we've gotta figure something out there because I love my son & husband very much & all that good stuff, but NO WAY am I letting them take that baby for 3 whole days. No way Jose'!
And, the last and biggest news of the day is this: My sister called me tonight. For those of you keeping up, we haven't spoken since right before Christmas. We talked for 2 1/2 hours, maybe 3. One would think after spending that much time talking, everything would be fine & back to normal. But - one wouldn't know my sister or the way our relationship is if they thought that. Basically, she called to make sure I knew that she was mad, why she was mad, and that in all reality she is still mad, but she didn't use the word "MAD". Instead she used the word "Hurt", and wanted to make sure I understood why she felt the way she did & that I saw her side of things. I did, and I do. But the problem here isn't either one of us understanding the other's "side", because we both do. The problem is that she can't or won't FORGIVE me. She won't forgive me for unintentionally hurting her feelings & making her feel like I didn't think my mom, she, my nieces, their whole family was important enough to take a day or night out & have "Christmas" together. She can see how it happened that my mom & I decided that we didn't need to have "Christmas" at my house on the night we planned, since Hunter had just gotten out of the ICU the night before and everyone at her house was just getting over a horrible stomach bug & we didn't want my 4 lb grandson to be exposed to that. She can't see that if she hadn't gotten so upset or 'hurt' by us calling it off for that next night, that I & my mom had already talked about & had EVERY intention of rescheduling our Christmas together, it just might have been the day after or the Saturday AFTER Christmas. I could go on & on & on & on about the conversation we had tonight, but at least it was civil, I listened to her & empathized with her, & understood some of where she was coming from. I even told her a little of how I actually felt about it & all the 100 other things she brought up tonight. Don't know if she heard a word or not. But I do know (and have known all along) that this was hurting my mom more than anyone else. Like Tina pointed out, I have a LOT of family. "David's" family, is MY family. I've got my kids. I have friends at work. Most importantly, I have David. But my mom? My mom has only 2 people (and their very small family's) left. She has my sister, (who has my niece Kayla-my step niece Kara & her husband Tommy) and she has me (and my little family of David, Pudge, Ed, Des & Hunter-man). THAT IS IT. We are all she has. She has no parents left, she's an only child, there are no loving aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, husband...there is NO ONE. And if Tina & I are at odds with one another, and since my mom LIVES with Tina & her family, then my momma only has Tina & her clan. And I am her oldest daughter. And somewhere in the midst of all this drama (or lack there of since I avoid any & all confrontation like the plague), I've let my sister take control of my relationship with my mom. And that is not okay. So in the end we've came to this solution. I will NOT let this rift with my sister keep me from calling my mom, going to see my mom, taking my mom out to dinner, bringing her to my house to spend a weekend, etc. And my sister will NOT use this rift between us to pressure our mom not to talk to me, or threaten my mom or hold anything over her head if/when she does. She's promised me the tension that has been there for 7 months when I call/see my mom will be gone, and I'm going to hold her to that. Like I told Tina tonight, I can not go back & change the past or any of my actions in the past. I can't "fix" this or what happened. I can't change it. I also have NO CONTROL over anything that anyone other than myself says or does. I can say I'm sorry (which I did), and that is all I can do about anything that has EVER happened before this very moment right now. And I can learn from the past. There is a lesson there, if we will just take the time & make the effort to see it. My sister & I are as different as night & day. Always have been & I guess we always will be. Where I choose (and it IS A CHOICE), to forgive & to love, she chooses not to. And here is where I will repeat myself, and end this post....I have NO CONTROL over anything that ANYONE other than myself says or does......me
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
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