Toothaches & Heartaches

I'm off to the dentist in about an hour. Pray for me please! I absolutely hate hate hate going to the dentist. Although I really like the dentist I go to. He knows enough about me to know that I almost won't open my mouth without the aid of some "happy gas" first. And that's crazy since "the dentist I go to" seldom gets to see me. I would call him "my" dentist, but that would insinuate that I go there on a regular basis instead of only in a drastic emergency situation like right now, when I can not take the pain a second longer. And since I always wait so long...it's always too late to save it & the only thing left to do is an extraction. Thank goodness most of my problems are way in the back of my mouth. Unless something changes however...today he is only going to "evaluate" my problem. He can't fit me in long enough to actually pull it. So, hopefully, he'll hop me up on some pain meds until early next week. And..this way, he gets to charge me for TWO office visits instead of one. Yes, the hydrocodone I jacked from David is beginning to make me a little bit cranky!

Now on to the next thing. I tell David this at least once a week, and I don't know if I've said this before in my blog or not, but either way, it bears repeating since it is 100% how I currently feel. I wish our kids would either do EVERYTHING I SAY...or that I could live their lives FOR them. Don't get me wrong, I am NOT saying I am perfect, or that if they did everything I said their lives would be perfect because believe it or not, I am not always right. I know I do not know everything, and that I am not always :-) perfect. Sometimes I'm even wrong! However, I feel like IF they'd just be my little puppets & follow my lead, then at least when something went wrong in their lives, I would be the one that screwed it up. Not them. Then I could take responsibility for my mistake, instead of thinking (and sometimes saying)..."If you'd have just listened to ME you wouldn't be IN this mess in the first place". I've often said..by the time I'm in a position to say "I told you so" or "I told you this was going to happen" to my kids...it's usually so screwed up or so bad, that I can't in good conscience actually SAY THE WORDS! Ha!

Anyway, all of this is leading up to me blogging briefly about something that's happened inside my little family that has caused some very hurt feelings. And it involves one of my children that has an "You can't tell me what to do cuz I'm an adult" kind of attitude that has escalated said problems. Remember back in the day when you thought your parents were so stupid & that they didn't know anything? Remember back when you thought you were SO much smarter than your mom & dad? That's where we are. And unfortunately, I don't think this will be resolved without an apology. An apology that, I might add, said child doesn't believe, or can't/won't see, is very necessary. It is so hard as a parent to let your children go. And grow. And this parent has been accused of hanging on too tight in the first place - David & our parents have told me that on numerous occassions. Words like..."they are grown up now, you have to let them go out & live their lives on their own, you have to let them do it on their own, you have to let them FAIL on their own - you can't live their lives FOR them" those words are ringing in my head. I remember clearly telling my dad, "But Dad, if I don't loan them the money or help them out or do it for them or whatever it was- then they might not have...gas in their car to go to work, food to eat, tires on their car, electricity, insurance, whatever"...and he said, "Tammy, they might not. But NEXT time when they have to decide whether to or not go out to eat, see a movie, buy those new shoes, clothes, whatever...they might make the decision NOT to, because they now know what it feels like to do without, and they know they have to take care of themselves" I can't tell you how much it hurts me to think about them "doing without", or having to learn life's lessons the hard way. And this particular situation doesn't even involve money or anything like that. But it does have to do with a lesson, and one that I'm afraid, will be hard for her to learn. So again I find myself turning to God, asking Him to protect my children, watch over them, keep them safe. And then I say a little prayer for David & me...Please God, give us peace. me