Wednesday's Thoughts

I think quite possibly I am losing my mind -or at least what is left of it. Things have been so crazy around here lately and I am not handling it very well. Sometimes when I get overwhelmed, I have this tendency to obsess about how overwhelmed I am. Every little thing is a BIG thing. Take today for instance - Got up, went to work, started working furiously trying to make some sales & wrap up a big off-site sale for a tractor dealer in Billings, MT. (I should note that I've been trying to wrap this event up for at least 3 weeks...I'm supposed to have the signed agreement & money in-house 30 days before the event is scheduled to take place). The event is NEXT THURSDAY! Still working on it. Then, before I knew it it was time for lunch. As I'm walking out of the office my head is doing this: "OK, clock out - get in truck - drive home - call Brittni on way home since I couldn't talk when she called earlier - hurry home - smoke on way home while I'm talking to Brittni cuz when I get home I have so much to do in the 45 min I'm there I won't have time & will be having a nicotine fit. Pull in driveway, jump out of truck, leave phone in truck so I don't have to answer/talk while I'm on lunch cuz there is so little time. Go in house, take dogs outside & put them on their chains, make me & David a glass of tea, take laundry out of washer and go hang up David's work shirts in spare bedroom to dry, go put another load of clothes in washer, go back to kitchen & fix us both a sandwich, eat - actually "scarf down" said sandwich while David shows me pictures on google map of the resort we'll be at next week, then go back outside & let the dogs in, feed the dogs, water the dogs, go back to laundry room & add bleach to washer, put the dogs back in the bedroom with David, kiss David goodbye, run back out to the truck jump in, head to work, remember that I have to go by the ATM & get some cash, pull out of the bank, almost rear end a car, cell phone rings, try to answer it, drop it in the floor board, almost rear end ANOTHER car trying to get phone, then spend the rest of the drive back to work trying to call Eddy back because evidently we're trying to call each other at the same time & both keep getting voice mail. FINALLY get ahold of Eddy & end up feeling like a horrible mom because I've been so busy that he thinks I'm mad at them because I've not been talking to him & Dez several times a day. And they are both homesick & don't understand why David & I or Brittni & I can't just hop in the truck & head out on a 5 1/2 hour road trip to Kansas this weekend to visit them. So I feel even MORE stressed by the time I get off the phone with my son.
But - back to the "every little thing turns into a big thing" ...I don't know how to just STOP. I realize that EVERY day is a gift from God. That there should be beauty in every little thing. That I need to 'stop & smell the roses'. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My HEART gets it, but my HEAD won't cooperate. I just feel like there is more to BE done than I can GET done. That there needs to be at least TWO of me & even then it'd be crazy. That I am letting life take control of me and because of that LIFE is passing me by.
I have a very good friend that has told me on numerous occasions that blogging can be quite therapeutic. That it is okay every once in a while to just sit down at the computer & pour all of my frustrations out in my blog. I don't like to do that though. Instead I like to write about my life & all that is or isn't going on in it. I like to be upbeat & positive. But today, today I am taking her advice. Hence the outrageously long rant above. We'll see if it helped me let go a little. I think I may need an intervention or something....me