In Memory of My Grandma.....

I have so much to say, but just haven't had the heart to say it. We lost my grandma last Thursday. April 28th. At around 5pm. Wednesday, my Aunt Bev called & told me she just wasn't doing good. Something told me I needed to go down there. But David didn't go to work until 11 that night. So you know what I did? I got him up & ready & out the door (he was SO sweet, he even dropped off the water bill for me & picked something up for himself to eat so I didn't have to cook!) and Brittni knew how bad she was, so she met me up by the interstate, and we headed to Fayetteville. Grandma was SO bad, she never knew we were there. They had begun to give her morphine, so she was sleeping & we didn't want to disturb her. But Britt & I got to visit with Bev, and keep her company. It was a somber visit. I just knew Grandma wouldn't be with us much longer. We left late (or early), probably around 2 am or so. I found out later that we barely made it out of Fayetteville before Grandma got worse, and restless again, and Bev called all the kids (my dad, Aunt Barbara & Rolland-Grandma's kids), and told them they needed to come. But she made it through the night. Since I didn't get to sleep until about 3:30 that morning, and had to be at work at 8, I was running on empty. But all that changed when I got a call at work from my dad. He NEVER calls me at work. He just wanted to let me know the hospice nurse had just left, and she said it wouldn't be much longer. He knew I had been there the night before, but also wanted me to know if I wanted to see her one more time, I had better get there. So I left work. My plan was to run by the house & let the dogs out & leave David a note telling him I'd gone to Grandma's. I thought I could be back in time to wake him up for work. But it didn't work out like that. Somehow he knew something was wrong & woke up. And when I started crying & told him what all was going on, he said, let me get my clothes on, I'm coming with you. I just have a feeling I need to go with you. And he did. It was a long heart wrenching afternoon. We were all there with her in the end. All her kids. And her grandkids, with the exception of Ryan. He was on the way back from Little Rock where he'd was trying to get into the Air Force, and he made it shortly after she passed away. Brittni & Jerimiah was there. There was visiting, catching up, and waiting. Quietly waiting. And right around 5:00 pm, my grandma took her last breath. To say that something shifted in my life is an understatement. My grandmother took with her a part of me. All the wonderful things about her I took for granted. Her love, patience, understanding. Her uncanny abililty to know when something wasn't right in my life. I wonder how things will ever be the same again? They won't. There will be no more Christmas Eve's spent at her house, with her passing out handmade quilts, and dishtowels, and potholders & neck warmers that she spent all year making. No more "auctions" to give away things she & Bev accumulated. No more 4th of July parties sitting out with her in her yard watching the neighbors fireworks display. Things will never be the same again, and I wonder if I will ever be. I've just lost my last grandparent.

Visitation was on Sunday. The funeral was Monday. It was a beautiful service. It was cold & rainy & a perfect reflection of my feelings. So many people came to pay their respects. On the way to the cemetary, David said, turn around and look at all the cars. It was amazing, and a true testament to how many lives my grandma impacted.

I've worried about my dad, and my aunt Bev too. She has devoted 100% of her life to taking care of Grandma for so long now, I imagine she doesn't know what to do with herself. My dad told me on the phone other night, I see all these commercials & things in the stores for Mother's day, I don't have a mother anymore. It broke my heart to hear him say that.
I went down to visit Bev last Saturday night-just to see for myself she is doing okay. My dad showed up to sign some papers & stayed for a couple hours. We talked and enjoyed ourselves and I felt a little better about how they are both doing.

And we are all okay, or at least getting there. I hope at some point in my life someone says to me, "You're a lot like your Grandma Purser was"...that'll be a compliment, and something I should strive for for the rest of my life....me