My Hunter

Since I'm going to be out of town until Sunday and won't be blogging for a few days (no internet or computer in Stuttgart, AR) I wanted to make sure I documented exactly what makes my heart happy right now. This is it! Hunter does! Even though he's in Manhattan Kansas right now - just seeing these pictures make me smile.

If I close my eyes & try really really hard, I can smell his little baby scent, and feel his sweet soft touch. Oh my, how I miss this wonderful miracle grandson of mine! me

It's Over

Well, it's over. Christmas I mean. And if that didn't mean that the kids had to go back to Kansas, and Brittni had to go back to work & her own life-I'd be happy that it's done with this year. Nothing seemed to "feel" right about Christmas this year. There was just so much going on. Barbara Lee passing away, my grandma being diagnosed with colon cancer, the Christmas party that was supposed to be at my house with my mom, sister, dad, step mom, nieces was cancelled, Hunter spending 24 hours in the ICU at Northwest...it was just too much for one month! There are many many wonderful things about December 2009 also though, HUNTER LEE coming early - meeting Brittni's new boyfriend & seeing her so happy, spending extra time with my dad, grandma, mom showing off pictures of the new baby, David getting to put in several days of work right before Christmas... it's one of those times where if I just remind myself of all the blessings, it's not so bad! And hey, Tammy - it's NOT SO BAD! I'm just really missing the kids right now. Especially Hunter. I got to spend so much time with him the 2 weeks they were here, that now I think I'm having withdrawals! But as usual, it's David to the rescue. Tomorrow after work we are driving down to Stuttgart. We haven't had Christmas with his dad yet. And of course duck season re-opened the day after Christmas, so David can get in 4 days of duck hunting while we're there. He's got a couple of friends from up here that are driving down for the weekend to hunt, so that should be fun. And for some reason this year, he's talking about going out on New Year's Eve. "Out" in Stuttgart means going to the Wildlife, it's a bar that a friend of his & his dad's owns. Not sure if we'll actually go out, or go to bed at 8 or 8:30 like we usually do down there.We really don't drink much at all anymore, and NEVER do we go out & drink. There's just something about getting old(er) that makes all those thoughts run through your head about how stupid it is to have even one drink & then get out on the road-with all those other people that have had God knows how many drinks! Also, remember, to duck hunt you have to get up at 3:30 or 4 in the morning! So I doubt we'd even make it til midnight to ring in the new year! Either way, a visit to his dad's means relaxation. No worries, no running around trying to get everything done in a hurry, none of the hassles of every day life. It is awesome. And peaceful. And just what I need right now. And as usual, David knows that! me

Random-ness

Happy Wednesday, although it doesn't feel much like a Wednesday at all to me. You see, I work for a wonderful company that has been generous enough to give us all 3 days off for Christmas, and if you count Sat & Sun-well, that's 5 whole days off from work!!! Next week we will work Mon thru Wed & be off for another 4 days. We are going to leave Wed night & head down to Big David's to celebrate Christmas with him, and of course, to DUCK HUNT! We'd originally planned to go down Friday afternoon & spend the weekend, but I just could not leave with the kids still here. They are planning to head back to Kansas on Sunday. Eddy has to go back to work on Monday. I am enjoying them entirely too much! I know it's going to break my heart when they go home and take Hunter with them. I've really tried to convince them they should just leave him here with me & David. I told them they could come & visit every weekend, but they just don't seem to want to go along with it. I can't begin to imagine why, can you?
I'm feeling much better about the world today. It is only 2 days til Christmas. Nope, still haven't done any shopping but I plan to take care of that today. David got to go in and work some today, so we woke up at 5 and had coffee together & discussed the whole shopping fiasco that will be taking place. I'm sure he'll be home before too long, it's not even 8 a.m. yet but it is POURING down rain, and he can't work in the rain. I've been pretty productive this morning. There's laundry in as I type, got most of the house cleaned up, folded 3 loads of clothes I've been avoiding & burned some more DVD's to give to our parents for Christmas. With all that's going on, I haven't mentioned this yet, but David has mastered making DVD's from our pictures (new and old). And, he puts music on it so songs play while you watch your life before your eyes on the TV. It is great. And I think they'll make great presents for everyone. Well, I need to go change out the laundry & peek in & see if Hunter is missing his grandma yet - so....Merry Christmas everyone! me

The Big Confession

I have a confession to make. I have known now for a long time that my one true "sin" that I commit over & over & OVER again, is WORRY. I worry about everything. EVERYTHING. I worry about money, I worry about David, I worry about the kids, I worry about being overweight, I worry about smoking, I worry about David being laid off, I worry about not making any/enough sales....I could go on & on but you get the picture. And I call this sin, because I KNOW I am supposed to trust God with everything. And that includes all my "worries". I'm supposed to "Give it/them to God". And I try, I really, really do. But somehow, I always ending up "taking it back from Him" to worry about some more. But believe it or not this post today is not about worry. This post is about another little (or should I say HUGE) personal trait (or problem) that I have. Are you ready? Here goes my big confession: I want everything and everyone to be perfect. Actually, perfect is way too strong a word. To put it plainly, I just want everyone to be happy & get along. I can not stand conflict, confrontation, anger towards one another, tension...none of it. And it absolutely kills me if I find that I've hurt someone's feelings or made them angry.(Even if it was unintentional or needed to be said) I also want everyone in my entire circle to get along. To not be upset with one another. To not say things that might hurt each others feelings. And sometimes in my effort to "fix" everything & everyone, I make it worse...or end up feeling worse than if I'd just left it all alone. If I feel like there's conflict between Eddy & Brittni - I try step in, and explain to both of them individually exactly why I think the other one said/did what they did. I try make sure they see the other persons side. I do this with David & the kids too. I do this with my mom & my sister. I do this with David & his Dad, I do this with EVERYONE -great - now I'm making it sound like no one in our family gets along - and that is defiantly NOT the case. For the most part, everyone gets along really well. And I know that in families, there will be differences of opinion. But IF I really know that, why oh why do I try so damn hard to "fix" everything. I realized today at lunch while I was driving, that IF I'd just accept that I can not please EVERYONE all of the time, I would have a lot less personal stress in my life. I also realized that I spend a lot of mental energy trying to fix things that don't really need to be fixed. And that IF I spend the rest of my life trying to make everyone else happy, (and by that I do not mean my husband and kids and grandson- I will always do everything in my power to make those 5 people happy) but if I spend the rest of my life doing things I don't really want to do, just to make other people happy - I will not be. So many times I just go along with what I feel like people want me to do, just to avoid conflict. And that's creating conflict within myself to make someone else happy. I just don't want to do that anymore. I realize that I'm rambling here...and it's almost intentional rambling. See, I have a very good friend that once told me that blogging can be very therapeutic. And today, I felt like I needed some therapy. And to give myself a good strong pep talk. About not being able to make everyone happy. And about that being okay. I get the feeling now that maybe, just maybe, I should realize something else. That this too - I should give to God. Wish me luck! me

Weekend Recap

Friday evening when I got home from work, it was time to get David packed (sort of) for him to drive down to Texas. Our very favorite cousin, Barbara Lee passed away last week. She was only 48, and had been fighting cancer for 3 years. It was a six hour drive down to Longview, TX. All week we had just felt like we couldn't afford to go. Thursday night Billy called David (that's Barb's son) and then he talked to Steve, Barb's husband. When he got off the phone he said, Baby, I HAVE to go. So the plan was, he & Brittni would leave at 3 am, go to his mom's, and three carloads of family would leave out & all drive together. I stayed home with Eddy, Des & Hunter. I just can't get enough of them right now. And there wasn't really room for 3 of us in our truck. We had a wonderful day together Saturday. I just loved on the baby, oh, and cleaned house. David & Brit got home about 8 that night. The NEXT morning, at 5 am, David & Eddy went duck hunting & killed 2 ducks! Right here at home! We drive 5 hours to go to Stuttgart hunting, and all along David could've been hunting right in Centerton! HA! They got home at about 10 a.m. They had SO much fun together. I'm so glad they got to spend some quality alone time together this time! And what has more quality & male bonding in it than HUNTING!
The night before, we had invited Brittni & her new boyfriend Jeremiah over for a late breakfast! (Yes, I said boyfriend, and yes, I think it may be serious, but I'm not going there right now.) I can't even begin to tell you what kind of personal heaven I was in, standing in my kitchen making bacon & sausage & eggs & biscuits and gravy for my whole ENTIRE family! The girls always hang out in the kitchen & help me & it's so much fun. Then we got our Christmas tree & decorations down & all put up the tree together (finally). Before I knew it, Britt & Jeremiah had to leave. I was sad, but at least she's starting to bring him around the family, so hopefully we'll see a little more of her now. There's a bunch more to tell about Sunday afternoon, like Eddy getting my dad 2 very expensive trained bird dogs (for free), us all loading up & taking said dogs to Fayetteville & watching my dad's face (he had said he wasn't getting any more dogs - but had changed his mind sometime after we got Boogie) visiting with my step-mom Debbie & watching her love on Hunter...getting home late, going to bed late...yada yada yada.... but all in all, it was a wonderful wonderful weekend, one I wouldn't trade for anything in the whole wide world! me

How Hunter Ended Up At Our House

One quick story I have to tell...Eddy & Des had to take Hunter to the Dr. on Monday morning. The plan was, if - IF - he'd gained enough weight & everything was ok, they were going to leave right after the doctors appointment & head to Arkansas for a week or so. All weekend long I kept thinking about seeing Hunter. (And Eddy & Dez too). It was the l.o.n.g.e.s.t. weekend ever! The only thing that made it better was that the kids seem to call me a lot more now that they have a new baby! It doesn't even matter when they call me at almost midnight to tell me he has the hiccups, and how can they get rid of them? Or at 1 a.m. when Eddy calls freaking out because he thinks Hunter has "google eyes" (his term), and I have to reassure them that newborns eye muscles aren't quite developed yet. I LOVE those calls. Anyhoo, they were going to be at the dr's office at 8:30, and at 9 I couldn't take it anymore so I had to call them. Eddy answered. And told me - that Hunter's doctor said he hadn't gained enough weight & they needed to see him again on Wed. I was suspicious. So I called David & told him to call the kids & see if they were just playing with me. About 20 minutes later he called me back & told me they were not coming. I kept telling myself that maybe they were just playing one of their jokes. But that if they weren't, and the doctor needed to see Hunter on Wednesday, then they needed to stay in Kansas & I shouldn't feel so bad about it. I waited a couple hours & called Des. She said she was feeding Hunter. I went on about my day, down in the dumps, wondering now if they'd even be able to come on Wed. About 2:30 Dez called, to ask me about something at her house... and I knew then, they really really really weren't coming. You can only imagine my reaction about 10 minutes later, when I turned around in my chair at work & there stood Dez, with Eddy holding Hunter! You got me guys, you got me good! me p.s. Hunter had only gained an ounce & 1/2... the doctor hoped for two. Yesterday, they took him to the doctor up here, he'd gained weight. He now weighs 4 lbs, 14 ounces!

Catch Up - Continued

I'll start where I left off...we went to Eddy & Dez's house to get some rest. When we walked in the door, the picture at the top is the first thing I saw. Have I mentioned yet that my one & only son will be leaving for Iraq in March? Talk about hitting home...this did. And with all the emotions of the baby, the stress of the ice road trucker trip...it about did me in. The tears just started falling. But my sweet husband reminded me of something. To be THANKFUL that he has this ?Kevlar? to keep him safe. It's all his bullet proof stuff. And, I am thankful that my baby at least has that to protect him. It's just that my heart keeps telling me he'd be SO much safer, here at home. The second thing I saw was that they hadn't unpacked. At all. (Well, maybe a little, the bed & dressers were up, the crib was up, the bathroom was done, and the few dishes they have were put up). BUT - remember, they've only been in Kansas a week. And Des WAS 8+ months pregnant. So I knew immediately that Brittni & I had our work cut out for us. We were determined that Hunter & his mommy & daddy would come home to a spotless unpacked house to start their new life together. But first things first, we had to get some sleep. After we got up, we made a trip to Wal Mart for groceries, then came back & me & Pudge went to work! As much as I wanted to just be at the hospital, there was no reason to, they would NOT let me in. And if Eddy stayed in the waiting room visiting with us, he wouldn't be able to be in the room w/ Des & Hunter. Brittni & I worked all the rest of the day, and up until close to midnight getting everything unpacked & setting up the nursery. I know we probably didn't put things where Des would have, but at least everything was unpacked & put up & out where she could find it when she got home. We went to bed EXHAUSTED Tuesday night. They said if everything was good Wed a.m. that Dez & Hunter could come home that morning. I was SO excited & ready to get my hands on that baby! BUT - Eddy called about 9:30 with bad news...Dez's blood pressure was still too high for them to release her. I hung up the phone and told David- well, get ready to stay another day, because I did not come all this way to leave without holding my first grand baby, and hugging Desi - lou! We went up to the hospital and took the kids a few things they needed, made ANOTHER trip to Wal Mart then went back to their apartment. I had BIG plans, but-was too tired to do much but watch TV with David. We went to bed early. The NEXT morning, they let them come home. We dug Dez's car out from under all the snow & ice - it took David & Britt about 1 hour to thaw it out, and went to the hospital. I wanted to grab Hunter from the nurse when she finally walked out those doors with him, but she wouldn't let me. I had to wait until we got home to hold him. And hold him I did! And loved on him, and kissed him & changed his diaper, and fed him & started telling him first thing, that I love him more than ANYBODY else in the whole world loves him....and that when he gets old enough to talk, he just needs to remember that for his birthday, Christmas, Valentine's Day, Columbus Day, Martin Luther King Day, whatever day, all he needs to tell his mommy & daddy is that "All I want for ___ is to go to my Grandma Tammy's". Then I promised him once he gets here, I'll get him anything he wants or needs! Ha! me

A little bit of catch up

Happy Friday everybody! I'm sorry I haven't blogged in like - FOREVER - but for the first time ever, I have a REAL honest to goodness excuse! You see, Hunter Lee is at my house! And, he has been since Monday afternoon. AND, he WILL be, until the Sunday after Christmas. And anybody that's a new grandma knows, you can't waste time typing your blog when your brand new GRANDSON is at your house! (Just for the record, you also can't waste time cleaning, doing laundry, cooking, putting up Christmas decorations or Christmas shopping!) Yes, I did just admit that I do not have my Christmas tree up yet. And it's oh, only December 18th! Christmas is one week from today. ONE WEEK. And did I also just admit that I haven't done any Christmas shopping yet? Not that I have a lot to do this year. We have decided to buy for the children only. I am going to put to the test the phrase I've heard every year for 20 years from family members that said, "Oh, you don't have to get us anything, Christmas is about spending time with your family, not spending money on gifts". I'll let you know how that all works out, okay? So I want to document a little bit about when Hunter was born, because now that I'm a grandma my memory is starting to fail me, and by the time he's a year old, I don't want to say, who are you? when were you born? was I there? hee hee. So last Monday (December 7, 2009) Desiree had a doctors appt. She hadn't been in 3 weeks, because they were moving to Kansas, and her dr's office forgot to fax the paperwork to her new doctor, so when she went to her first appt the week before that they reschedule it (to wait on the fax) and sent her home. Well when she went in, her blood pressure was up- way up. So instead of sending her on her merry way, they sent her & Eddy straight to the hospital. (Yes, Eddy was with her. Her appt was at 2 that day, and at noon, they approved him for what the Army calls DITY leave....which refers to their move -"Do It Yourself" leave. He was gonna be off 10 whole days to get everything unpacked & moved into their apartment). So they call me & let me know they're going to the hospital. AND THEY WERE SCARED TO DEATH. But you know me, I'm keeping it cool. And I'm telling them and myself, that it's just a precaution, and they will watch her for a little bit and send her home. So I go about my workday (No, I don't prepare & bring stuff home just in case). And I go home at 4:30. And we talk to Eddy every 15 minutes for the next 5 hours. And, I call EVERYBODY -and let them know what's going on. Every time Eddy calls, it's to tell us that Dez's blood pressure is still going up, even though they're giving her medicine to bring it down. At about 8pm, I call Brittni. To tell her if she wants to go with us, even though we probably aren't going anywhere, cuz the baby probably isn't coming right now, that she should probably come to our house when she gets off work at 11. Just. in. case. At 9:30 the phone rang. It was Eddy. and - they've decided they have to get Hunter out of there NOW. They've decided that Dez has preclampsyia and that it's dangerous for her & the baby. Hey - did you hear me? THE BABY IS COMING!!!! THE BABY IS COMING!!!! And my kids are 5 1/2 hours away! And I don't have a bag packed. And Brittni is still at work. And what am I going to do with the dogs? And WTF just happened? So, needless to say it's a total madhouse. But, within 30-45 minutes we were on the road. I can't breathe. Eddy is calling wanting to know where we are every few minutes, he doesn't like it when I say, oh, Bella Vista, we'll be there in 5 hours & 20 minutes! BUT - we won't. Because guess what? In Kansas City we hit snow. Then the snow turned to ICE. Then traffic slowed to a crawl. THEN, the traffic in front of us started running off the road. BIG TRUCKS we're sliding in the ditch. A Kansas state trooper bounced off the concrete divider in front of us. Then, then - we were the ONLY VEHICLE on the road. And we were going maybe 20 mph. And David says, "We're not gonna make it, we're going to have to get a hotel room & wait until daylight". And I said (through gritted teeth & kinda with an exorcist growl) just keep driving - we are not stopping. Needless to say, several hours later, we were in Manhattan. Thanks to my husband & his driving skills. I'd been talking to Eddy every 30 minutes. And at about 4, Des called. She said, "hey, whatcha doin?" just like she was at a party or something. I couldn't believe how good she sounded. I asked her if she was hurting, and she said not too bad. I told her we were almost there. Then, we were on the road right before the turnoff to the road to the hospital, and my phone rang. And it was Eddy - with Hunter SCREAMING in the background. He was here! And, we missed it - by 10-15 minutes. David was disappointed that we were at least at the hospital when he was born. But it really wouldn't have mattered if we were. Because of the flu & swine flu epidemic, they wouldn't let ANYONE except Eddy, past the waiting room. For the whole time they were in the hospital. So when we got there, Eddy came out. His eyes were so red from crying and he was shaking soooo bad. And he showed us a video of them cleaning Hunter up & weighing him, and Dez holding him for the first time, and then Eddy holding him for the first time. Wait - right here I have to say thank you to my husband. Because when we were deciding what to get them for the baby shower, we knew we wanted to get them that digital camera. But I thought it'd make a better Christmas gift, and David talked me into going ahead & getting it then, even though we really couldn't afford it right then. THANK YOU David, because if we would have waited- it would have been too late & we'd missed all those videos & pictures. And since videos & pictures were all I had for 2 1/2 days....well yeah. You were right. After we stayed in the waiting room with Eddy for a little bit, he gave us the keys to his apartment & sent us to his house to get some rest. I think I'll stop right here for now and get to work. Next post to come soon....me. Oh, and the picture? That's as we're walking in the hospital at 4:45 A.M. See the snow???? me

Hunter Lee Allen is HERE!

He was born December 8th, 2009 at 4:33 in the morning. He weighed 4lbs 9ounces, he is 18 1/2 inches long. And HE IS OUR WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD! That is all I can say right now.... me